cheap sunrise

Shift

2009-08-14T05:40:00.000-07:00

Okay, I've moved. but im not going to delete this blog. cause i don't know why. haha too many memories i guess so yeah. adios amigos:D
ps: im not going to leave the url of the new blog here cause im attempting to keep it low profile. haha don't ask me why, im just weird. i hope you don't think im mean or anything. if you want to see the new one, you can just ask me(: BYE BYE BAJITOS!

boob brain!

2009-08-13T09:03:00.000-07:00

Okay number 1: blogger sucks.im thinking of shifting.
number 2: saritha- thank you so much for being there for me on monday haha i know i was being oh so foolish and i was feeling oh so stupid but you were there to comfort me, to make me feel better. i told you that i hated fate. i don't anymore. i love you babe(:

number 3: im sorry i have to rant. i don't fucking like it when people tell me that im "emo" or whatever. look, everyone is emotional alright. not just me. not just you. so don't come up to me and tell me that my blog posts are "emo". i don't fucking slit my wrists and think about suicide okay. i've never really liked black and i think that people should wear colour to my funeral because i hate to see mass gatherings of people in black. it makes me feel gloomy. and the only reason why my fucking blog posts seem so "emo" is just because i put a lot of thought into them. what, is that like, illegal, or something? my blog isn't for anybody's entertainment. yes, i do admit that my posts may seem awfully sad at times. but you can't blame me if my day turns out like that all the time. what the hell do you expect to do? fucking lie and say that today was a good day? i've also had my fair share of posts where i seemed hyper and happy. happiness doesn't come to me everyday so i just relish in it every time i do get it. so fucking backoff okay? sheesh. if it makes you feel any better, i occasionally think about my future wedding and my kid's names(haha?) so if you think that that's "emo", you should just like fucking go and die.

okay, im done. thanks for putting up with that.

number 4: im having like really bad chest aches and the peanut butter filled prata i had for dinner, isn't digesting well in my tummy. fuck i feel like barfing. but im like holding it in. i think im dying haha. helppppppppppp. my health is going downnnnnn. from tmr onwards, im going to go back to my usual ways- green apple mornings and strawberry jam sandwhich afternoons!

number 5: we just got our grad night themes. we're supposed to vote next week. the themes are, black and white, hip hop, and jaiho(bollywood). hahah im so voting for bollywood. black and white is so boring, although safest, its like, so common, i find. and why the hell would i pick hip hop. its our freakin grad night. you actually want to look NICE. best not to show up in baggy pants and hoop earrings.

number 6: i've already thought about what to post in this god forsaken blog tmr. and yes, its going to sound"emo". so im just warning you first haha, don't waste your time by visiting this page okay? for your own good only. i truly care for your needs that's why.

Decision dice: pub

2009-08-04T08:00:00.000-07:00

Dear (insert name),

The feeling of regret has been inching further into this fragile little heart of mine. It has been a week, maybe 2, maybe 3- it took me more than 4 weeks to realise that you have every right to treat me like that. I have always blown you off, creating excuses and reasons not to meet with you, because I was too shy. You are right. I do not know why I look down greatly upon myself. My parents taught me to feel, but the world taught me to become more unfeeling and even tactless, at times. I should believe in myself you know? So I do not give the world a chance to trip me like a mean bully. But instead, I have succumbed to quite the opposite. I have always avoided you, lord knows why. I am sorry. Like I said, I did not deserve you. Maybe I still don't, but that's besides the point. Because you have moved on. And I have too. I just need to abandon this morbid feeling of regret, and move. This apology does not come with intent. I just wanted to lay it out on the table. I hope I see you some day, to tell you how sorry I am, face to face. But the very fact that we never ever bump into each other, is the biggest irony of all.

Yours sincerely,
me.

This is what boredom does to me.

2009-08-01T07:39:00.000-07:00

SAY EXACTLY WHATS ON YOUR MIND & DON'T CHANGE IT.
1. You & your ex – I've never been in a relationship before. okay you can start laughing now
2. What are you listening to – boyfriend -alphabeat (hahahaha)
3. Maybe I should – eat more ice cream and lose more fats
5. I don't understand – why boys have testosterone
6. I have lost my respect for – butterflies
7. I last ate – ice cream (mmmmm)

IS YOUR/ARE YOU:
1. Is your hair wet? – no
2. Is your cell phone right by you? - its turned off, in the bedroom, under my pillow, far far farrrr away from me
3. Do you miss someone? – yeah
4. Are you wearing chap stick? – yeah
5. Are you tired? - no
6. Are you wearing pajamas? – no
7. Are you mad? – mad as in angry mad, or insane mad? because right now, im a little bit of both.

MORE QUESTIONS

Are you shy?- hell no.okay maybe sometimes.when i see a hot guy esp.pfft c'mon, who wouldn't get the jitters?

Could things possibly get any better?- i'd like to think so

Did you wake up in the middle of the night last night?- yeah because I dreamt that my friend was yanking my hair out

Has there been anyone particular on your mind at all today?- unfortunately, yes.

Do you ever crack your knuckles/ back/ ankles/ wrists/ etc?- no i don't like to crack

Could you date someone taller than you?-yes i can, cause at my age, THERE IS NOT ONE GUY OUT THERE who is shorter than me.total advantage(:

Do you need to say anything to someone?- I feel like this all the time

Honestly, does your crush like you back?- Honestly, no.

Do you think anyone has feelings for you?- nope

Do you wear glasses?- only in class

Lyrics from the song you're listening to?- AND MY PARENTS, THEY DON'T WANNA SEE ME. MY FRIENDS SAY IM UNCOOL BUT I LET LOVE RULE. OH NO DON'T YOU TOUCH MY BOYFRIEND, HE'S NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND, HE'S MINE (AHHH AH!)

Did you go outside for more than 30 minutes today?- yesss

Honestly, what's running through your mind?- Would I be smarter if I learnt how to play the piano?

Have you ever asked a girl for advice?- yeah

Ever kissed under water?- nope

When was the last time you were told you were cute?- 2 weeks back?just for the record, cute means ugly but adorable.so that was far from a compliment.

How late did you stay up last night?- 12 plus

Do you think boys truly understand girls?- girls don't necessarily understand boys all the time either.

What is one word you seem to always misspell that you know you shouldn't?- unnecessary and embarrassed. is that how its spelt?

What was the last movie you watched?- sunshine cleaning

Last song played more than three times?- the saltwater room by owl city

Last person to fall asleep with?- no one

Ever skipped class?- yeah

What color is your room?- sunflower and cheesecake yellow

Who did you have lunch with?- evelyn foo suk chuen

Have you ever kissed someone you weren't dating?- I'm a lipgin ):

Are you ticklish?- yes very omg don't tickle me please i'll hit you

Does your ex have a job?- I don't have an "ex"

How many piercings do you have?- 2

Have you held hands with anybody in the past week?- yeah

Do you want any tattoos?- nope

Will you cry at your wedding?- yeah most probably

Are you wearing any clothes that don’t belong to you?- no but I like to steal my sister's clothes

What are your plans for the weekend?- write 3 essays,complete at least 2 lit essays,revise phy/chem,biology chapter 6 and 19,try to fry scrambled eggs

Do you have a little sister?- nope

Do you like Taylor Swift?- she's okay

Last time you were heart broken?- yesterday

Do you sleep with the door open or closed?- closed

Have you ever dated a soccer player?- no?

Do you hope your children are like you one day?- neverrrrr.my children should never replicate a failure.

Do you take walks often?- do jogs count?

Needles aren't so horrible?- not horrible at all

Do you like meeting new people?- yeah i do

Would you rather have long or short hair?- long please

Do you like tattoos and piercings?- they're okay

What would you do if the door bell rang and it was Lil' Wayne?- I'd tell him to brush his teeth, put some underwear on, and go for vocal lessons.

snowflake

2009-07-31T07:34:00.000-07:00

I ran exceptionally fast today. This is not called self appraisal. But I really did run fast. Because I was angry. With you. And with the rest of them, who came into my life, together, and departed, together. Why did you have to do that? Talking would have been fine with me. Talking is always fine with me. But apparently, nowadays, people have lost their ability to speak their thoughts, to communicate, to say hello. I know I did that once, and maybe this is my punishment. Maybe I deserve it, you know? So everytime I walk past your house, or walk down the street, I push you out of my mind. I push and I push and I push. And I run and I run and I run. Because I tend to run away from people who have a place in my heart, remember? I get nowhere. That's not what Im afraid of. Im afraid of getting the things I want, instead of getting the things I truly need.

When I need it most.

2009-07-30T09:48:00.000-07:00

I am trying so hard to feel the warmth that my comforter is supposed to provide me with.

I can continue waiting, but at the end of the day, no one is going to turn up at my doorstep.

I fold my arms around my waist and long for a hug.

I think about the father who is embarrassed to hug his own daughter.

I wonder why people wait till its one's birthday in order to make them feel special/important.

I conclude despondently.

And so, I finally sleep. Without the slightest hint of irony. I'll go.

2009-07-30T01:53:00.000-07:00

OKAY SO, i know i haven't really been blogging for a while(who gives a shit right) but i couldn't put up new posts cause the blogger thing was screwed up for a while. so yeahhhh.

but anyway, I want to thank everyone for celebrating my birthday with me, making me cards, making photo montages, baking me a cake, getting a bra and a g-string, getting the talking bear, awesome palm reading kit, -divya can beat me up for an entire day without me having to hit her back- coupon, all the wonderful birthday wishes, the minute-long hugs that i truly needed, yada yada yada. I really really really appreciate it all. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I love you all xoxo :D

Happy birthday Hannah! and,

Happy belated birthday syahida!

man, I love birthdays. It should be our birthday every single day. All of us. Celebrating together. Hugging each other. Bringing happiness. And all that jazz.

I managed to complete my list of things to do before I turned 16- except for number 2(learn how to use the damn washing machine) and number 4(walk up 10 storeys instead of taking the damn lift). I have a new list now- "LIST OF THINGS I MUST DO BEFORE I TURN 17"

here's the first:

1) Learn how to cook scrambled eggs( like how those really cool chefs do it in those really cool hotels )

I used to own a pack of m&m s

2009-07-19T08:57:00.000-07:00

When I was young, I used to believe that there was a reason for my existence. It is rather pathetic how, as time passes, you fail to trust yourself anymore. When I was 8, I possessed much more sense. 8 years on, and I am no longer as sensible as I was before. Now, I am nothing but a nut. I am an angry nut- for you have infected me with resentment. I blame you. I blame you for making me think about my young self- when I was happy. Happy - what does that even mean? I have this tendency to run away from people who have a place in my heart. So forgive me if I have been selfish or cold in any way. Forgive me of my foolish actions. I have been selfish. But im making sure that things change. Im no Obama, but I still have a little bit of hope left. I wish for it to linger in my heart no longer, but it fights the system, just like I, and continues to linger. It is tiresome, trying to explain things that are somewhat unexplainable.

"happy birthday munchkin!"

2009-07-17T00:47:00.000-07:00

- xoxo

THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH OMG THANK YOU FOR THE CAKE, FOR THE FLOWERS, FOR SMASHING CAKE INTO MY FACE(FUDGE FACIAL YUM), FOR POURING SOAP WITH WATER ALL OVER ME, FOR GETTING MY BRA WET, FOR GETTING MY GRANNIES PANNIES WET, FOR THE CARD, FOR THE EXTRA HUGE COOKIE AND FOR ALLOWING ME TO HUG YOU GUYS TIGHT EVEN THOUGH I WAS STILL SORT OF DRENCHED:D I APPRECIATE WHAT YOU GUYS DID AND I HAD A BLAST. I LOVE YOU!

CHRISTINE LEE JEONG WEON: YOU WEREN'T THERE): BUT ITS OKAY! WE WILL GO OUT SOON AGAIN SOMEDAY(: i love you pig!

Selfish

2009-07-14T02:23:00.000-07:00

- divya

Dear Lemur with pig trotters,

You do not understand yourself. Behind every big beady brown eye, lies a story you do not narrate. God has given you what you wanted. They must have fallen from the sky, but not like snow- not like marshmallows, not like flocks of doves and not like balloons. They were like bombs, like something you despised most. So they turn out like skunks, when you thought that they clearly resembled swans. A type of swan you might have married someday. You and him? You and him are different because no two animals can ever possess the same brain capacity. You are always wrong in his eyes. But that's okay. Someday, you'll be right in somebody else's eyes. Maybe today had been a bad day. Maybe in the morning, your mother stuffed thorns in your mouth and made you choke on them. Maybe while you were in the car, you turned to adjust your seat belt and without any signal, a piercing dart landed itself right smack in the middle of your fragile little heart. Maybe when you reached school, your lack of competence led you to feel so... out of place, so... out of touch, so... wrong. It is in our nature, to be in the best of moods one day, and to feel as if our ship was sinking, the very next day. Sinking very fast. And once this gentleman had come along, you felt this sudden surge of happiness. But like all the other dart piercing, thorn choking, moments in your life, happiness lasted for only a minute. For you are nothing but a robot. You do not feel. You do not feel anything. Apparently. But if you did not possess the ability to feel, your eyes would not have glistened after he stuffed thorns into your mouth, and pierced darts into your heart. Thorns that made you shut up, and darts that murdered you. The man does not care if you are alright or not. He does not care. Maybe. Games, games. You hate games. You despise games. He jumps to conclusions and decides that maybe, you're not even worth it. Worth. You do not possess worth. So the only question that ponders in your head all day long is not something to do with, "how the hell did my mother stuff thorns into my mouth without me being able to fend her off?" or, "what the hell is this dart doing, sticking out of my chest like that?". But rather, " What is a friend, who readily walks out on you without possibly having any qualms about it, shattering you, and leaving you feeling oh so angry, till you feel like running away from the only best friend you've got?"

Yours truly,
.

Really good hunk cake.

2009-07-13T00:43:00.000-07:00

HAPPY 30TH BIRTHDAY MR GLENN TAN!

WE REALLY HOPE YOU ENJOYED YOURSELF TODAY.

TO THE MOST AWESOME TEACHER EVER,

YOU'LL ALWAYS BE IN OUR HEARTS!

Sing, please?

2009-07-05T23:30:00.000-07:00

When you let me know, what kind of life you have lived, I weep silently. For we are the reason why you were sent to the dumps. You do not have to pay income tax. You waste eight hours a day pondering over what could have been. Your love for teaching has not withered. But your faith has. You are not old, but you are not young either. You can't escape from this well. "I'll watch a movie with you", I say. And elation overwhelms you. But a month later, you lose hope, buy a ticket to a show, buy a small box of popcorn, buy a bottle of mineral water, and sit in the theatre while trying to enjoy your movie - alone. I have always kept my promise. But bitterness has led you to feel more impatient, more foolish, more hurt. You do not have many friends. You wish you had. We are the only friends you've got- do you not see that? But sadly, you do not see anything. You do not demolish your rights as an authority figure. You hold my hand and say, "education is most important". You do not have to tell me things I do not already know. What I want, is for you to hold my hand, like the rest, and say, " I am here for you, my dear. Whatever it is, I will try to understand- because you are my friend." You cannot bare the fact that we are drifting. Yet, you still add salt to my wounds. All this hypocrisy, I believe, would not have come about, if you had found a place where you could truly belong. You see, we are very much alike. But you no longer possess the ability to reach out. You try. I have noticed. You back down within two seconds. I will follow you, always. You will follow me, always. So when I blow you an imaginary kiss everynight, I'll whisper, "I am sorry". And when I kneel at my bedside everynight, to pray, I'll hope. I'll hope that you'll understand how much I love you.
No matter what, mom. No matter what.

2009-06-29T00:12:00.000-07:00

Asshole.

The Pie Song

2009-06-26T19:08:00.000-07:00

- i could seriously use a burger right now.

Someone was trying to be funny and chopped off a little bit of my hair while I was asleep. I think.

Like poking blunt pencils into your ribs

2009-06-20T08:34:00.000-07:00

"The day people notice me, is the day they figure out that I'm not good enough for anyone."

May

2009-06-15T16:55:00.000-07:00

I hope I have caused no amount of pain, in doing so.

I could be as meek as a mouse, cumbling to pieces,

apologizing for what I've done.

OR I could be something else, that stands up straight,

and tells you that you have to be thankful.

For I have saved you from something monsterous.

The "asshole" feeling

2009-06-14T09:39:00.000-07:00

- thursday night

I LIKE IT WHEN PEOPLE GET ALL HYPED UP AND I LIKE IT WHEN THEY ARE ALL BUBBLY CAUSE THEIR POSTIVE ENERGY AND HAPPINESS JUST RADIATES THROUGH MY SKIN AND THEN I BEGIN TO FEEL HAPPY I DON'T KNOW WHY I LIKE IT WHEN PEOPLE ARE THIS INFECTIOUS.

Then, the world would be a much better place to live in. right?

My teeth feel smooth

2009-06-11T06:51:00.000-07:00

- mango bajito meets chris

Mommy cooked pasta(yay!) and Christine came over for dinner(yay!)

anddddddddddd

IM OFFICIALLY BRACE FREE!

YAY!

Our chemistry teacher, the magic man.

2009-06-10T06:41:00.000-07:00

KARMA OMG KARMA

Like remembering an old spice girl song

2009-06-09T04:07:00.000-07:00

- christine's art

bajito
-A small Mexican man

mango bajito
-It means to have saggy titi's. Comes from Mexican slang spanish.

HAHAHA (thanks ah mus), but I SO DO NOT HAVE SAGGY BOOBIES IM JUST A SMALL PERSON. hahaha mango bajitos. christine drew the above picture of me. i think she's a really good artist cause she's a coolioamigosunny gal(:

Like carrying out a plan that doesn't backfire

2009-06-08T06:07:00.001-07:00

- anjali

Meet my new, really adorable, big eyed, finger sucking, heart stealing, indian/punjabi british, daughter.

haha joke.

she's my cousin.

and my sis and I would loveeeeee to go over to london to give her a million hugs and kisses.

I find her so adorable omg its not even legal.
Finally, I'm not the bajito in the family.

Like chewing on a box of needles

2009-06-07T01:58:00.000-07:00

- I ate the apple after that.

Its funny how an old man managed to stop me in my tracks, and stare at me after I fell face flat onto the concrete.

Like getting hit without being able to hit back

2009-06-06T05:05:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_OBlgSz8sSM

Watch it I find it hillarious hahaha I feel like reaching into the screen just to squeeze them omg

Who would have thought, a child no more than four years of age, could speak properly and get his tenses right. brit people *sigh*....

Like running on a cracked,unsurfaced pavement without shoes

2009-06-04T01:44:00.000-07:00

Thank god for lenka.

Like fruit without taste

2009-06-03T03:24:00.000-07:00

- disneyland for 5 year olds

No one can ever stand up for their friends,without being shot down. I cried for you because despite of all this, you are still my friend. I doubt you will ever look at me the same way again. For different people possess various opinions, right? The boy will not back down, for he too, thinks differently. The world would be a much better place if everyone stopped pushing blame. No 'but's. No 'but's. The world permits him to have a mind of his own. But no amount of intelligence is displayed when he proves to lack the ability of stepping into one's shoes. Justice is not over-rated. I will defend your enemy, if he has done no wrong. I will defend your enemy's enemy, if he has done no wrong. I will always be your friend. I just wished you saw that in me too.

2009-05-31T03:59:00.000-07:00

- disneyland for 5 year olds

" The good person loves people and uses things, while the bad person loves things and uses people. "

- Sydney J. Harris (1917-1986)

I don't understand

2009-05-29T00:55:00.000-07:00

I wish I was 4 again.

I had my first crush, on the oreo boy.

He always gave me the creamy part of the cookie.

Its such a pity. We had plans.

2009-05-28T06:57:00.000-07:00

Don't disappoint me- but you've already done enough to establish my disappointment in you.
I wish I did not have you.
I wish I did not have to work this hard.
I wish you listened to everything I said.

But it is about everything you do not say.
For I am psychic.
You like to make things difficult, and fail to notice life's simplicities.
You do not like me, and can hardly stand me.
But you are forced to love me.
At least, you have one other person in your life to be proud of.

ps: props to matthew for the fuzzy wuzzy test. my friend's adorable plead for me to tell her the answer, was fucking priceless (:

human

2009-05-26T06:02:00.000-07:00

How do you gain satisfaction in inconviniencing others?
How do you manage to think so lowly of me when I inconvinience you unintentionally?

How do you long for acknowledgement ,
when you barely notice the little post-its I stick on your mirror every morning?

How do you expect us to grow close,
when all you do is look at me with such disdain everyday?

And how the hell do you even expect us to speak,
when all you do is criticize and pass judgement?

You can't say

2009-05-25T01:55:00.000-07:00

We were once like jelly.

Sharing secret hideouts, and possessing secret handshakes.

We'd talk about society's flaws till dawn,

And awake to another one of those good mornings,

Where we then craved for pancakes with strawberries on the side.

But once we ran downstairs,

We did not cringe at the fact that there weren't any pancakes

(neither were there any strawberries),

For we had one another.

And I would not have traded all the pancakes and strawberries in the world,

For our friendship.

Then one day, you left.

With all your insecurities and failed attempts of trying to get hold of something

Better.

Thank you for making me feel like I was part of the team.

Thank you for noticing me.

Thank you for trying to teach me to control my emotions.

But do not do that,

anymore,

because,

I can't stand ironies.

I am happy because I just drank juice.

2009-05-22T00:25:00.000-07:00

- gwendolynchiacailindivyajeyabalantriciagekkimchiajhansijeyabalan

tricia: "divya, you have sex hair!"
WE MISS YOU TRICIA.
The girls and I made a pact - to meet up for coffee at least once a week and study . I think it'd be fun, considering the fact that we're getting along much better now. Better than before. Its called, growing up.

2009-05-20T06:17:00.000-07:00

I have officially been cut off from the world.
Even the spare phone does not want to co-operate with me.
It actually feels kinda nice
to get away from everything.
but Im afraid I may start to feel more distant from you.
I am so tired, I hardly understand anything I am saying.
but I can't sleep
and I can't run either
because my ankle hurts
I don't even know why.

ps: lahvin if you're reading this, sorry for making you feel so awkward last saturday night haha. my mom hasn't met you in AGES. thus her reaction.I know she talked to you about the scooter racing incident and she told me how wild you were when you were in pre-school. reka was more crazy than you were. hope you enjoyed your party!

I want juice!

2009-05-20T00:58:00.000-07:00

computer isn't working.

phone isn't working.

computer isn't working.

phone isn't working.

computer isn't working.

phone isn't working.

computer isn't working.

phone isn't working.

computer isn't working.

phone isn't working.

computer isn't working.

phone isn't working.

computer isn't working.

phone isn't working.

computer isn't working.

phone isn't working.

computer isn't working.

phone isn't working.

computer isn't working.

phone isn't working.

computer isn't working.

phone isn't working.

computer isn't working.

phone isn't working.

computer isn't working.

phone isn't working.

computer isn't working.

phone isn't working.

computer isn't working.

phone isn't working.

computer isn't working.

phone isn't working.

computer isn't working.

phone isn't working.

computer isn't working.

phone isn't working.

computer isn't working.

phone isn't working.

computer isn't working.

phone isn't working.

computer isn't working.

phone isn't working.

computer isn't working.

phone isn't working.

and I failed chemistry :(

when you "feel like it"

2009-05-17T17:06:00.000-07:00

try to see if you can make sense out of this:

" I feel like dying, but I'm filled with hope "

yesterday:

2009-05-15T19:39:00.000-07:00

- bridget's art (again)

Clark Quay with trish, jhansi and gwen. I actually had a blastttttttt. and the food was gooooooood. Its a pity though, trish will be going back to aus on tuesday. but its alright, cause we'll have a blast on monday again!

dammit im very hungry now.

why?

2009-05-13T21:30:00.000-07:00

- bedroom

okay, enough with my room already. I love it, that's all.

I just wanted to say this:

Biology killed me.

invisible

2009-05-12T22:49:00.001-07:00

I have no name.
You're not a friend of mine.
At least, that's what you want.
Because you stay silent.
And I long for the bird at my windowsill, to stay.
Because for now, it is the only company I have.
but after I was done typing the above sentence,
I stared at my window once again- only to find that the bird has already
flown away.
just like the rest.
the bird must be busy - for it may possess other friendships,
ones that it treasures.
ones that I'd treasure.
You fail to notice the little kid and replicas.

chiasso, baccano

2009-05-12T06:19:00.000-07:00

I eat my cupcakes, bottom up.

mission

2009-05-11T05:06:00.000-07:00

- bedroom

We had chinese for dinner last night at some restaurant and we ordered playboy chicken. haha im not kidding. well anyway, mom, I hope you liked my card. Even if it did not remind you of old times - where I vandalized the card with crayons and markers and pasted heart-shaped stickers all over it. I meant every word I wrote in that card. I really did. Because, my love for you is unconditional.

m&m&m

2009-05-08T19:55:00.000-07:00

- bedroom

the sunset, really is golden, in my eyes.

"your father is a good man. never in his life has he lived a day without bearing a burden on his shoulders."

leave

2009-05-07T22:57:00.000-07:00

" yay! the wapple shall be our affetizer "
divya, please quit tripping on your words. thanks.

math paper suckeddddddddddddd.
i felt super frustrated and kept scribbling on the paper.
i hope the marker gets pissed while marking my paper.
cause i think my scribbles were good.

&

jas: " don't call me today. i'll be sleeping. "
varsha: " can you please stop sleeping! turn on your vibrator or something. "
bra: " what's a vibrator? "
*hahaha okay, varsha meant that innocently, of course.

elation

2009-05-07T04:37:00.000-07:00

So im watching the sun set, and it has got to be around 18 degrees in my room cause im fucking freezing. but i don't care. not at all. because im happy. inside, i really am. i want to call someone, comfort them, and let them know i'll be there for them. but i don't think many people out there in the world give a shit as to what i've got to say to them. things like " it'll be okay." or "hey, im here for you alright?". it just doesn't make sense to them. so i call you. and im praying that you'll pick up the phone. because i want to let you know that everything will be alright. and that the math paper tomorrow shall be easy. and that the world's only going to end after we have died. and so, you pick up, sounding dopey, like as if you've got an egg in your mouth. and so i question, "do you have an egg in your mouth?". your reply is an exaggerated "noooooo!". but that's just you, so i smile. its amazing how friends can tell that you're sobbing even when you're trying to sound your best and you're trying to seem very perky. so he asks, "hey, are you okay?". and as usual i tell him not to be a dumbass, and that im perfectly normal. and he says no. because he knows im not okay. my friend knows that im not okay. so i promise him, that one day, i'll tell him. maybe tomorrow. but not today. because today, i am a happy person. and no one can stop me from feeling this way.

( )

2009-05-06T22:32:00.000-07:00

- disneyland for 5 year olds

I feel so happy right now, I can hardly contain any of my emotions.
Its amazing what happy songs can do for you.
Im so happy that, when I start to sing a line from any song, I burst out into fits of laughter.
I feel like running hahaha,
because Im happy.
I don't know whyyyyyy
no reason in particular.

ps: happy birthday ong!

higher.

2009-05-04T22:59:00.000-07:00

- 3 x 16

Happy belated birthday prabraaaaaa!

I hope you liked the donuts and umbrellas as replacements for your birthday cake and candles haha.

and I hope you liked your gift as well!

its alright, you don't have to break your record haha

I love you grandma:)

customer service satisfaction

2009-05-01T01:55:00.000-07:00

-paul

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ASHRAF!

omg can someone pleaseeeeeee take me back to sf. I wanna run there. I wanna walk up to crooked street everyday. I wanna sip coffee at some really rad coffeeplace - which has this really hot cashier guy with monroe piercings and tattoos, and slurs as he speaks, and asks me if its the blueberry muffin or the apple one that I want. I wanna do crossword puzzles in the train every morning without having people to look at me as if Im some deranged 16 year old with a brain span of a 5 year old(singaporeans lahxzx). I wanna shop at macy's and armani till 5 and head out to watch the sunset.then start longing for sunrise, the very next day. And write poems all day while trying to master the acoustic. I'd go down to some dance studio and dance the afternoon off with my friends. Friends. Then I'd go back home and bake healthy, low-fat, diebetic vanilla muffins and bring it over to dance rehersal the very next day. Then, I'll die a happy person.

okay,Im having butterflies in my tummy again.Im going to run nowwwwwww

ps: happy labour day!

once

2009-04-30T03:33:00.000-07:00

- bridget's art

And for these past few days

someone I don't recognize.

-Marketa Irglova

I know Im in love with Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova. Because I never get sick and tired of listening to them all day. For real. I could just keep playing all of their songs, and not get bored. Others get bored. But not me. I guess its because I can really relate to the songs, you know? One way or another, I can relate to them. Especially one song. Especially one.

(And then, there was one. when I really thought there were three.)

but that was before.

2009-04-29T04:35:00.000-07:00

- bra's awesome unofficial 16th

( wait for more surprises babe:D )

morning pancakes

2009-04-26T06:23:00.000-07:00

I've got my ponytail losely tied and its swinging from one side to the other as I pace myself,
hoping not to trip over some drain again.
The sky's slowly beginning to fall into a slumber and Im fighting for time.
I turn back, as soon as I see a light streak of pink in the distance.
That's my call.
I carelessly step into a puddle of muddy water, and splash a little bit of the mud onto my legs.
The mud gently stings the small scab on my shin.
But I don't bother.
I've got my shoulders slightly hunched and I can't keep my eyes off the ground
I stare at the dead leaves that play a crisp, coarse, melancholy tune as I run over them.
and I stare at the drains in front of me as I slowly and gradually pass them one by one,
hoping again,
not to trip over any of them.
I can't be like this.
So I straighten my back, tilt my head back up slightly,
and switch the song on my mp3 to, "if you want me" by Marketa Irglova and Glen Hansard.
I like the song. It sounds french.
Now, I move faster. Trying to make it back before the pink streak in the sky vanishes.
I pass the old man with the limp in his right leg.
I smile to him, and he too, like always, smiles back lazily.
I pass a group of women, gurka's wives, to be exact,
and they make way for me, as I run past.
I pass the terrace houses,
and don't duck, as I run though a cluster of trees with branches hanging low,
because I am already short enough.
I head straight for a row of blocks. and run, from the first block, to the second, then to the third,
and back again.
And as soon as I feel dizzy, and as soon as my heart stars to ache,
I make my way back to prison.

grams is so not eco-friendly

2009-04-26T03:19:00.000-07:00

Study session with Lee, Azlan, and Ong.Ong insists that my blogposts are always so, "emo".hahaha, I wouldn't regard them as "emo".I just put a lot of thought into them. But I was hyper today! And Im always hyper in school, unless some asshole pisses me off or something. So yeah, and btw, thanks a mil elg.for sending me the stuff that I wanted. I'm so so so over the moon right now.I really appreciate it!(: Now, I feel as if my legs can't hold still. I have butterflies in my tummy and I don't know why. I feel so cooped up at home, I feel like going out. I think, I shall go out to run.

2009-04-25T16:27:00.000-07:00

you won't disappoint me,
I can do that myself.

songwriting, invisibility, and oh so faint memories

2009-04-25T09:22:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine recently reminded me what it was like to feel 8 all over again.

I'm not like her. I don't sound like her. You have no idea. We all have different opinions, various perceptions. We're one in a million, don't you see? Im a fallen deer, slowing down. Backing up. Turning around. Because Im unaware of what's to come. But I hate this, and I want to be just like the stronger ones. And as I cling on to this crumpled piece of paper, with ink smudged on it, I've finally figured it out. I've figured you out. I've figured out what the world's like. I've figured out how trees grow. I've figured out how flowers blossom. I've figured out how waterfalls form. I've figured out where The Nile River ends. I will never be like the rest. I could dream all I want. But I will never be like the rest. And the rest will never be like me. And you will never be like the rest. Neither will the rest be like you. We're one in a million, don't you see? Maybe, its time we danced.

happy songs make magic

2009-04-24T05:46:00.000-07:00

You're done with chemotherapy
and I'm proud of you
You're the person I admire most right now
I will never be able to possess the same courage as you do.
You may be miles away,
but we're always near, and never far
Phonecalls are never enough, and hardly ever satisfying.
Someday, we'll drive up to your place, give you a tight hug,
and tell you that we love you, and no matter what,
we will always be there for you.

no yes no yes

2009-04-23T07:51:00.000-07:00

Sleepy says:
what's wrong?
divya says:
its fine(:
divya says:
im fine, really
Sleepy says:
lies

someday, my friend, i'll tell you. pinky promise.

Call me home, hope.

2009-04-23T01:50:00.000-07:00

- s.f

Today, I felt my pulse in my ears.

Soon, it shall stop.

Now, you may not care

But that is nothing but just a mere assumption

I am baffled

because you have left me hanging

The feeling has obviously, (maybe), completely, (almost)

faded.

2009-04-21T07:58:00.000-07:00

This is where I have decided to (officially) give up
no one really pays any attention to the details.
I have cared all my life, it isn't a bad thing at all.
But it starts to turn into something bad, once it makes you feel like shit
Im not asking for any reward/recognition/appraisal.
I just want people to open their hearts and see.
I couldn't care less if people took it to the dumps. As long as they notice it, its fine.
everything will be fine one day.

where are you?

2009-04-21T05:49:00.000-07:00

-s.f/ fisherman's wharf

I feel fuzzy.
My eyes are watery,my nose is stuffed and I start to feel my pulse at my fingertips all over again.

I hate it when Im like this. It makes me feel as if I can't do anything.
Like as if I've completely lost the ability to be myself - to go outside and run or dance around in my room or read a book without having to blow my nose with every two words I read.
I felt uber frustrated at school and might have upset some people(sorry ramdan)
but I really felt horrible.so I told myself to suck it up and I cheered up after that.

And, I just realised that,
I might have left my heart in San Francisco.

last

2009-04-20T04:54:00.000-07:00

maybe, I knew it all along.
this little feeling that lingered in my heart from the start
and I ignored it at first, because the rest of the feelings in my heart took control over it
but now im starting to see
it.
feel it. and taste it.
and I hate it.the only thing I hate in the whole entire world
and it had to be this.
please don't make me feel this way.
I've felt this way for my entire life,
and I think its safe to say that Im tired of it.
Im tired of everything.

Its okay,I'm used to being forgotten

2009-04-19T05:57:00.000-07:00

- ofs global picnic day

Is it just me or is it fucking hot these days? I've had 5 showers today.no kid. one at 7 am . one before tuition. one after tuition. one slightly after that. and one just before i came online.

I feel safest when there's water around me. You could bring me to a swimming complex and I'd never want to leave. I could visit the beach and long to stay in the sea for as long as, forever. Im not afraid of what's beneath me when Im in the water. In fact, I'd want to grab a pair of goggles and dive right down to see what there is among the all the corals, fish, and sand. I might as well become a mermaid. I have this stupid little dream - where when Im old enough, I'll sit on a big boat and watch whales, the size of buses, swim by.and hope that maybe someday, I'll be able to safe them from the possible brink of extinction.

This is where I come back to reality.

candy's cotton

2009-04-18T03:56:00.000-07:00

- jumpshot.uh.jumpshot

(i think you can tell i like jumpshots-no matter how gay i look)

anyway, we had some cip thing today that blew over as soon as it was close to noon.we collected loads of newspapers and magazines and unwanted clothes. so while waiting for the truck to come, saritha varsha and i looked through some style wedding magazine(don't ask me why.im not a magazine person actually).we kept squealing at every wedding dress we saw.gosh, they were fucking beautiful.i wanna get married! I headed for tuition and then to the ofs global picnic thing.(its a shame chris, prabra and friends couldn't make it though): ) it was okay. their school is uber interesting, sad to say, more interesting than our local schools ever will be.yeah so, it was v interesting(nudge nudge).our school performed a couple of dances and the dancers were real good.doesn't matter if you guys got a silver,the dance was still awesomeeeeee(:

pfffffffffffft

2009-04-17T08:34:00.000-07:00

-vanessa lee shu fen

Haha, okay so, vanessa and I had a study session again today. We studied,of course, and talked.(and talked somemore). To ness: im sorry for the fact that we started drifting apart after the sec 3 bintan camp.im sorry if i've left you out in any way.i know that things have been tough on you lately.but hang in there alright?don't let other people spit on you all the time.you're stronger than that, and i refuse to think otherwise.

6. If school's being a bitch, don't contribute/give in to the mess.

stupid little dreams

2009-04-16T04:40:00.000-07:00

- sanfranc.

words fall through me

and always fool me.

great friends make great company

2009-04-15T03:35:00.000-07:00

Had napfa test today and the girls had to go last.so while waiting,some of us took pictures blah blah.uber unglam haha but i don't care.because i had fun.
I got locked out of the house AGAIN.so dylan's gradmom offered me a can of miranda orange.real sweet person.so i opened the can and somehow, while i was drinking, i spilled orange juice onto my shorts.alright yes i know, loser-rated moment.but that was the least of my worries cause i spilled some of the orange juice on my bio file.fuck.so anyway, mr glenn tan came into class earlier on, and without saying a word,he wrote this on the board:

Reality

1) 192 days to English

2) 202 days to Literature

3) 06/11/09 -

Lit paper 1: 8.oo am

Lit paper 2: 10.25 am

Bio paper 2: 2.30 pm

shitttttttttttttttt.

If you see(feel)(hear)(sense)(taste)(love) it.

2009-04-14T05:16:00.000-07:00

-californian winter

your voice, i know so well

your words i don't, recognize.

oh the irony.keep me.keep me from falling.

but you don't know- i like daffodils

and you don't know- i don't spit

in a cool curving world i lie.

dry note

2009-04-13T06:52:00.000-07:00

there's no one to confide in
there's no one to hold
there's no one to hold (you)(me)
go back to all your stereotyped fools
fools you call friends.
you create a perfect idea of friendship
and make snide remarks about those who don't fit into that perfect idea.
but tell me something, have you ever wondered,
if you were any better?
have you ever wondered, whether you, like many lost souls out there, are not able to fit into that perfect idea?
have you ever thought about your actions?
that are so uncalled for?
your rude gestures, and your ability of shoving people away.
no not people, just me.maybe just me.
you are not the only one,
who has had bad experiences
take it from a person like me.a person like me.
its funny how i say that because,
i don't even know the person that i am
maybe im nobody.
but that's besides the point.
i may be nobody, but that does not give you a reason to push me further into the dumps.
to make me feel like im worthless. worth less
to try to make sense out of everything
Everything.
but fail to make me see how,
sensible you are.
you did not see me, there was only one who did
you barely appreciated the little things,
i did just to cheer you up
or try to cheer you up
or try to help you
or try to reach out to you. i tried.
i can laugh all i want,flash my metal mouth all i want,bang the tables all i want and talk all i want.
i can stay bubbly for as long as i like.
stand my grounds for as long as i like.
and wake up early in the mornings to run,for as long as i like.
but this bitter feeling won't go away,
because im starting to doubt the fact that there is going to be someone there for me.
someone for me.

the little things matter

2009-04-13T03:04:00.001-07:00

studied with vanessa and jeph again today.its fun studying with them cause they make great company and they are smart as well.so i'll just keep hitting them with my dumb questions and they'll just keep answering.haha you should have the way ness and i were eating.she had bands on her braces so her teeth were hurting.and half of my wisdom tooth has emerged so it hurts like shit.we were like squinting at each other while chewing our food and stuff.hahaha k. house meetings suck like shit. i was reading my book the whole time. mr lawrence ng went on and on about mount everest and how its the tallest mountain blah blah.i mean c'mon, its not as if our house ever wins anything.pffft.oh and congrats to LKS for winning the house captain title.kudos.
mom's cooking wantan soup for dinner tonight. dinner should stay this way for as long as,uh,.until im sick of eating wantans

happyness

2009-04-12T01:32:00.000-07:00

van came over and we actually STUDIED.its a remarkable achievement,you know.chem to be exact.and then ash came and we studied bio.

my family invited grams over for lunch. instead, she cooked us mee goreng, put it in tupperware, and handed it to us.fucking adorable.

sorry, ness, if the indian food was too spicy:/ i would have cooked dumplings, but we didn't have any.so yeah, and thanks ash, for everything hah

three of us went to paya lebar to get some stuff and we slept in the bus like pigs. i slept in the bus like a pig. i came home and slept like a pig.do you like pigs?pigs are stupid and horrible.

easter and eighteen

2009-04-10T19:57:00.000-07:00

Happy happy belated birthday J
hope you liked the gift
and the "surprise" party haha
x

common commoners

2009-04-10T08:30:00.000-07:00

I am the unnoticed, the unnoticeable man:
The man who sat on your right, in the morning train:
The man you looked through like a windowpane:
The man who was the colour of the carraige, the
colour of the mounting
Morning pipe smoke.

dopey

2009-04-09T05:50:00.000-07:00

-gram's sunflower

dance rehersal was okayyy
school was okayyy
shopping with vanessa was funnn
but omg,
bio spa was traumatizing.
I pushed the lab stools to the back of the lab
stood at my table,
put my nerd goggles on,
and started pressing my thumb to my lips(something i do when im nervous).but at least, this spa was not half as bad as the first one - where i completely spaced out, turned pale and snapped at everyone who tried to converse with me.
Im officially bummed.

lying dousche bag

2009-04-08T06:23:00.000-07:00

why do you always have to measure one's worth?

same difference

2009-04-07T06:36:00.000-07:00

I remember now
almost clearly,
all about 7.
seven years back.
when scooter racings
made my day
and road trips up to pamberton
made
me miss home.
with pillars that stood as tall as trees
and bulls with killer eyes
rammed into fences
and sent me crying back to the
cottage.
back home.

Here's

2009-04-05T08:12:00.000-07:00

To the people who won't give me answers

and to the soul, who refuses to find himself

and to the hope, that keeps clinging on to my back

and to the all the little thoughts, that just won't go away

and to all the assholes, who like to play games

and to the mistaken, who are too afraid to face harsh reality

and to the coarse melancholy tune, of uncontrollable sobs

and to plastics, who have too little to live for anymore

and to those sparks of light, which try to reach out but fail in every way possible

and to killers, who want nothing more than to just care for the ones they love

and to professionals, who have so much to offer,yet so little to speak of

and to the little things, which fail to please the world

and to the forgotten - I remember you.

let me know, will you?

2009-04-05T03:26:00.000-07:00

conversation:

divya, you look fresh today.
oh, (nervous laughter) you have no idea

I'm starting to wonder if its just,

2009-04-04T10:01:00.000-07:00

I thought about us sipping gingerale that night we stared out into the stars as you longed for your homeworld. I said you had so much more to live for. You might have not believed me. And so we stayed silent. Longing for answers. Longing for chances. Then we fell, into a dreamless slumber and went, peacefully into the night.

2009-04-03T09:55:00.000-07:00

HAPPY 16TH VANESSA!

okay don't worry, the party wasn't a bore. I had a real good time. and whatever it is, cheer up alright? you're strong, i know that - and you know that too. so babe, smile for me will you! Happy birthday:) and oh yeah, i hope you liked the vanilla cupcakes. they are not the best in the world, but i hope you liked them. love you

I'll run away before you get the better of me.

2009-04-01T02:17:00.000-07:00

-vegas

once in a while, life gives you a chance to measure your worth. sometimes, you are called upon to make a split-second decision to do the right thing, defining which way your life will go. these are the decisions that make you who you are.

"Hero" by Perry Moore

I'm helping my sister bake chocolate cupcakes today. She's a good baker, and me? well I'm just bored.

force of nature

2009-03-28T07:04:00.000-07:00

Dinner with Uncle Koh, Max, Gwen, and family.
It was okay, and quite fun
except for the fact that the buffet sucked.
they didn't have chicken.
THEY DID NOT HAVE CHICKEN.
and since I don't eat beef/pork/mutton/duck,
the only thing I had, consisted of fishcakes and rice
pfffft.

I love my sister.
But I hate it when she sings during car rides.

they call her love.

2009-03-27T05:53:00.000-07:00

- L.V

maybe, im tired of waiting.
but why don't I feel tired of trying?

swell

2009-03-26T03:28:00.000-07:00

-san franc.

I wouldn't have cared less even if you wrote it on a fucking piece of paper and gave it to me.
as long as you say it, i'll be fine.

gosh, i have no idea why im feeling so bitter nowadays

this isn't me.

So, i made my way back home and as usual, dylan cheered me up.The ice cream man kept ringing his bell,dylan kept jumping around like he had never heard bells ring before.I went down to get ice cream for him.

chocolate, to be exact, as instructed by the little munchkin.After we were done with our ice cream,dylan asked me to play a song.His exact words were, "stong, stong!" with saliva coming out from the side of his mouth.Okay gross, but what's a munchkin to do?I played a couple of songs,and when i got to dakota, he started "headbanging" in slowmo (he wouldn't have been able to do it that fast)and he imitated all my actions.Even, when i was lypsynching(however th fcuk you spell that), he followed.Oh, and i tried to teach him how to play the air guitar.He sucked at it.But oh well, what's a munchkin to do right?Hahaha.When i got to poker face, he jumped around even more, lost his balance, slipped, and fell on his ass. suckaaaaa. but i still adore him to bits.xxx

kill JOY

2009-03-25T01:57:00.000-07:00

a happy song just won't do this time.

Dear anusha,
thanks for being there for me.
thanks for letting me know that im not alone.
thanks for encouraging me.
thanks for all the times you stuck by me,
even though i was always full of shit.
thanks for making me smile.
but most of all,
thanks for believing in me.
love you x

Its about time

2009-03-24T02:53:00.000-07:00

question: why are you choosing to show us all your negative aspects?

answer: uh, maybe its because we don't believe in the positive aspects that we apparently possess.

I'm not made of plastic.

I have a heart, too, you know?

I missed you, I miss you now, and I'll miss you.

so what's going on?

tell me.

talk to me.

yuckk

2009-03-23T03:18:00.000-07:00

I feel like barfing now.
must have been the expired chocolate milk and cranberry juice i accidentally drank.

the milk tasted bitter and the juice tasted like bad wine.

My sister scared the fuck out of me by calling me-sounding half dead- saying that her sugar level was low and she was going to pass out.bloody hell.ran downstairs like some scared little 5 year old and met her to pass her a ribena packet.she's well and alive now.oh and J, please please don't ever scare me like that again.

i just got my braces tightened and they are blue!

my teeth hurt, but whatever im hungry and i suddenly don't feel like barfing anymore.

gonna make myself kaya toast now:D

To-do list:

- get a carton of milk

- buy juice

- complete all 5 lit essays. ugh.

- study for ss test tmr.(shitttttt)

- clear dresser+table+floor

bub.

2009-03-22T06:28:00.000-07:00

okay so, someone introduced me to this song quite some time back.
and I just recently chanced upon it.
I think its real sweet:)you might like it, you might not.
but anyway,

noah and the whale-5yrstime
Oh well in five years time we could be walking round a zoo
With the sun shining down over me and you
And there'll be love in the bodies of the elephants too
And I'll put my hands over your eyes, but you'll peep through

And there'll be sun sun sun all over our bodies
And sun sun sun all down our necks
And sun sun sun all over our faces
And sun sun sun -so what the heck!

Cos I'll be laughing at all your silly little jokes
And we'll be laughing about how we used to smoke
All those stupid little cigarettes and drink stupid wine
Cos it's what we needed to have a good time

And it was fun fun fun when we were drinking
It was fun fun fun when we were drunk
And it was fun fun fun when we were laughing
It was fun fun fun, oh it was fun

Oh well I look at you and sayIt's the happiest that I've ever been
And I'll say I no longer feel I have to be James Dean
And she'll say"Yeah well I feel all pretty happy too"
And I'm always pretty happy when I'm just kicking back with you

And it'll be love love love all through our bodies
And love love love all through our minds
And it be Love love love all over her face
And Love love love all over mine

Although maybe all these moments are just in my head
I'll be thinking 'bout them as I'm lying in bed
And all that I believe, it might not become true
But in my mind I'm havin' a pretty good time with you

In five years time I might not know you
In five years time we might not speak
In five years time we might not get along
In five years time you might just prove me wrong

Oh there'll be love love love
Wherever you go
There'll be love

2009-03-21T08:18:00.000-07:00

I don't want them to ask me, "what jc/poly are you planning to go to?"
I want them to ask me, "where will you see yourself in ten years?"
I don't want them to ask me, "what book are you reading?"
I want them to ask me, "why do you read books?"
I don't want them to ask me, "what's your favourite colour?"
I want them to ask me, "why in the world do people go crazy over their fav colours?"
I don't want them to tell me, "i love you"
I want them to tell me what love means.
I don't want them to give me hope
and then shatter it.
I don't want them to make me think that im their friend,
when really,im just nothing but a mere companion.

I feel really distant from people lately.
close ones. loved ones.
I try to let them see me,
but to no avail.
The pain in my chest and tummy, is coming back again.
god knows why
I can't sleep, because my body doesn't allow me to.
but I don't care
I'll stay up for as long as I have to.
Life
really is,
a bitch.
, and no one lets me think otherwise.

something's wrong

2009-03-20T19:49:00.000-07:00

sister

haha okay, the photo above was taken AGES ago.
my mother,
likes to cut off people's faces while taking photos
and apparently in this case,
especially my sister's.
but oh well.
I miss you.

sunkissed

2009-03-20T04:21:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RAM! dan
okay, so you're finally 16 and a new pimple just recently popped up on your face(told you so)
haha k kidding
thanks for everything bud, really
you've been an awesome friend and,
you'll always be a woman to me.
:D

PS: To (insert name), sorry about last night, I really am. I felt awful, don't ask me why. I just did. But, I just needed to let you know that, I believe you.

I feel so small!

2009-03-18T06:56:00.001-07:00

You don't make an accusation that the sky is blue; its simply a matter of fact.

I am a fool,

out of love.

Tell me what it means

Tell me how it feels like

Tell me

Tell me everything

1983

2009-03-16T18:32:00.000-07:00

mother

stray thought:
okay,seriously. what's gotten into you? i never knew you like that. you were one of my better friends, and still are. i know you're probably reading this now. so here's to you. here's to being such a wonderful friend. but today. today, you hurt me. with words i've never heard you speak of before. maybe it was something i did.but no matter how much i wreck my brains, i will never be able to figure out, what it was that upset you. neither will i be able to figure out what's on your mind. that day, will never come, my dear friend. not unless, you tell me.

anima dannata

2009-03-14T05:25:00.000-07:00

I just need assurance that I can cope with it
If I know that I can cope with it, I wouldn't get distracted easily - let alone feel tired easily
But I know that I can't cope with it
So stop saying that I can.

doodad

2009-03-13T01:34:00.000-07:00

I woke up today with the biggest smile on my face.

financial game day. I had to pay for loads of doodads but bought a pizza franchise and won 500 000 bucks in the end. thanks jephhhhhh(:
whatever,
I still think board games suck.

war

2009-03-12T05:52:00.000-07:00

In the sweetness of friendship, let there be laughter.

Training ended at 7.46 today.new record.
Chris and I were laughing our asses off

we were talking about people and their farts haha

fucking hillarious

c laughed so hard,she stepped on a guy's toes

I laughed so hard, I..

I just laughed hard okay.

I don't know, its just something about embarrasing farting moments that get me.in a funny way
had a blast.

stray thought:

I hate it when you guys have a cold war/argue.

work must have been tough

but that does not give you a reason to bring your misery from the workplace back home.

its like experiencing winter in the middle of summer.

if she's sick, she's sick.

that does not make her whiny/annoying whatsoever

i love you,

but i hate it when you get so worked up over nothing

i just simply,

hate it.

there's nothing i can do to turn back time

neither do i possess the power of changing things as the way they are now

you're not a bad person.

i refuse to believe that you are

come back to us, please.

appartenere

2009-03-11T06:10:00.000-07:00

this.
this thing right here.
the ________.
itskillingme
you know/
you don't.
wait,
till I figure out what's wrong.
but sadly,
that day will never come.
For I am nothing,
but just a
lost soul.

cherry menthol

2009-03-10T03:08:00.000-07:00

i'll fucking stay

chest tightens,
heart races.
I feel my pulse at my fingertips
Its pretty routine.
God, tell me what's wrong

nobody really cares

2009-03-09T00:41:00.000-07:00

(Sorry mom,
for being such an inconvenience to you
on this beautiful monday morning.)

cheer up bud

2009-03-08T06:21:00.000-07:00

To (insert name),

Don't feel sad, don't feel bad.
my heart does ache for you
but everything's going to be just fine
do you understand?
this is coming from me.
no pills, no nothing.
things happen for a reason
maybe you'll find a reason
for all this.
but for now,
its time to take your medicine, doofus :)

Talk.

2009-03-08T03:08:00.000-07:00

I wanna save the world,

someday.

zxc

2009-03-07T09:31:00.000-08:00

its 1.47am now,

and i still have my makeup on.

I feel elated yet low spirited

relentless yet powerless

and truth be told, im kinda hungry

there you go.

ps: don't beat around anything next time, my friend.im not exactly the brightest bulb, and i cannot seem to figure people out. just tell me, whatever you wanna say okay?

I promise, I won't bite.

wake up

2009-03-06T18:55:00.000-08:00

slide off bed, cold shower, pomegranate cranberry juice
, and im off.

dear sleepyhead: i won't write a song because i know i can't and i won't sing because i know it'll start to rain again. suckas(:

You were the friend I was looking for
sensible/helpful/kind/loyal
thanks for everything,
really.
but it kills me to say this,
now that i've realised
i was nothing more than just a companion
one that keeps you company
or hangs out with you when you're bored.
i was nothing more than just a
doormat.
i reached out to you,
when you needed it the most
but you never saw me.
thanks for everything again
i never missed out the little things
so i just wanted to say,
goodbye,lost one.

Son of a Bachelor

2009-03-06T09:01:00.001-08:00

Can't eat, can't sleep.

My heart aches for you,my dear
those small eyes with rivers building up in them
you don't see me, yet you long to be seen by me
you're not pathetic, you're just lost
my heart aches for you, my friend.