Shift

Okay, I've moved. but im not going to delete this blog. cause i don't know why. haha too many memories i guess so yeah. adios amigos:D
ps: im not going to leave the url of the new blog here cause im attempting to keep it low profile. haha don't ask me why, im just weird. i hope you don't think im mean or anything. if you want to see the new one, you can just ask me(: BYE BYE BAJITOS!

boob brain!

Okay number 1: blogger sucks.im thinking of shifting.
number 2: saritha- thank you so much for being there for me on monday haha i know i was being oh so foolish and i was feeling oh so stupid but you were there to comfort me, to make me feel better. i told you that i hated fate. i don't anymore. i love you babe(:

number 3: im sorry i have to rant. i don't fucking like it when people tell me that im "emo" or whatever. look, everyone is emotional alright. not just me. not just you. so don't come up to me and tell me that my blog posts are "emo". i don't fucking slit my wrists and think about suicide okay. i've never really liked black and i think that people should wear colour to my funeral because i hate to see mass gatherings of people in black. it makes me feel gloomy. and the only reason why my fucking blog posts seem so "emo" is just because i put a lot of thought into them. what, is that like, illegal, or something? my blog isn't for anybody's entertainment. yes, i do admit that my posts may seem awfully sad at times. but you can't blame me if my day turns out like that all the time. what the hell do you expect to do? fucking lie and say that today was a good day? i've also had my fair share of posts where i seemed hyper and happy. happiness doesn't come to me everyday so i just relish in it every time i do get it. so fucking backoff okay? sheesh. if it makes you feel any better, i occasionally think about my future wedding and my kid's names(haha?) so if you think that that's "emo", you should just like fucking go and die.

okay, im done. thanks for putting up with that.

number 4: im having like really bad chest aches and the peanut butter filled prata i had for dinner, isn't digesting well in my tummy. fuck i feel like barfing. but im like holding it in. i think im dying haha. helppppppppppp. my health is going downnnnnn. from tmr onwards, im going to go back to my usual ways- green apple mornings and strawberry jam sandwhich afternoons!

number 5: we just got our grad night themes. we're supposed to vote next week. the themes are, black and white, hip hop, and jaiho(bollywood). hahah im so voting for bollywood. black and white is so boring, although safest, its like, so common, i find. and why the hell would i pick hip hop. its our freakin grad night. you actually want to look NICE. best not to show up in baggy pants and hoop earrings.

number 6: i've already thought about what to post in this god forsaken blog tmr. and yes, its going to sound"emo". so im just warning you first haha, don't waste your time by visiting this page okay? for your own good only. i truly care for your needs that's why.

Decision dice: pub

Dear (insert name),

The feeling of regret has been inching further into this fragile little heart of mine. It has been a week, maybe 2, maybe 3- it took me more than 4 weeks to realise that you have every right to treat me like that. I have always blown you off, creating excuses and reasons not to meet with you, because I was too shy. You are right. I do not know why I look down greatly upon myself. My parents taught me to feel, but the world taught me to become more unfeeling and even tactless, at times. I should believe in myself you know? So I do not give the world a chance to trip me like a mean bully. But instead, I have succumbed to quite the opposite. I have always avoided you, lord knows why. I am sorry. Like I said, I did not deserve you. Maybe I still don't, but that's besides the point. Because you have moved on. And I have too. I just need to abandon this morbid feeling of regret, and move. This apology does not come with intent. I just wanted to lay it out on the table. I hope I see you some day, to tell you how sorry I am, face to face. But the very fact that we never ever bump into each other, is the biggest irony of all.

Yours sincerely,
me.

This is what boredom does to me.

SAY EXACTLY WHATS ON YOUR MIND & DON'T CHANGE IT.
1. You & your ex – I've never been in a relationship before. okay you can start laughing now
2. What are you listening to – boyfriend -alphabeat (hahahaha)
3. Maybe I should – eat more ice cream and lose more fats
5. I don't understand – why boys have testosterone
6. I have lost my respect for – butterflies
7. I last ate – ice cream (mmmmm)

IS YOUR/ARE YOU:
1. Is your hair wet? – no
2. Is your cell phone right by you? - its turned off, in the bedroom, under my pillow, far far farrrr away from me
3. Do you miss someone? – yeah
4. Are you wearing chap stick? – yeah
5. Are you tired? - no
6. Are you wearing pajamas? – no
7. Are you mad? – mad as in angry mad, or insane mad? because right now, im a little bit of both.

MORE QUESTIONS

Are you shy?- hell no.okay maybe sometimes.when i see a hot guy esp.pfft c'mon, who wouldn't get the jitters?

Could things possibly get any better?- i'd like to think so

Did you wake up in the middle of the night last night?- yeah because I dreamt that my friend was yanking my hair out

Has there been anyone particular on your mind at all today?- unfortunately, yes.

Do you ever crack your knuckles/ back/ ankles/ wrists/ etc?- no i don't like to crack

Could you date someone taller than you?-yes i can, cause at my age, THERE IS NOT ONE GUY OUT THERE who is shorter than me.total advantage(:

Do you need to say anything to someone?- I feel like this all the time

Honestly, does your crush like you back?- Honestly, no.

Do you think anyone has feelings for you?- nope

Do you wear glasses?- only in class

Lyrics from the song you're listening to?- AND MY PARENTS, THEY DON'T WANNA SEE ME. MY FRIENDS SAY IM UNCOOL BUT I LET LOVE RULE. OH NO DON'T YOU TOUCH MY BOYFRIEND, HE'S NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND, HE'S MINE (AHHH AH!)

Did you go outside for more than 30 minutes today?- yesss

Honestly, what's running through your mind?- Would I be smarter if I learnt how to play the piano?

Have you ever asked a girl for advice?- yeah

Ever kissed under water?- nope

When was the last time you were told you were cute?- 2 weeks back?just for the record, cute means ugly but adorable.so that was far from a compliment.

How late did you stay up last night?- 12 plus

Do you think boys truly understand girls?- girls don't necessarily understand boys all the time either.

What is one word you seem to always misspell that you know you shouldn't?- unnecessary and embarrassed. is that how its spelt?

What was the last movie you watched?- sunshine cleaning

Last song played more than three times?- the saltwater room by owl city

Last person to fall asleep with?- no one

Ever skipped class?- yeah

What color is your room?- sunflower and cheesecake yellow

Who did you have lunch with?- evelyn foo suk chuen

Have you ever kissed someone you weren't dating?- I'm a lipgin ):

Are you ticklish?- yes very omg don't tickle me please i'll hit you

Does your ex have a job?- I don't have an "ex"

How many piercings do you have?- 2

Have you held hands with anybody in the past week?- yeah

Do you want any tattoos?- nope

Will you cry at your wedding?- yeah most probably

Are you wearing any clothes that don’t belong to you?- no but I like to steal my sister's clothes

What are your plans for the weekend?- write 3 essays,complete at least 2 lit essays,revise phy/chem,biology chapter 6 and 19,try to fry scrambled eggs

Do you have a little sister?- nope

Do you like Taylor Swift?- she's okay

Last time you were heart broken?- yesterday

Do you sleep with the door open or closed?- closed

Have you ever dated a soccer player?- no?

Do you hope your children are like you one day?- neverrrrr.my children should never replicate a failure.

Do you take walks often?- do jogs count?

Needles aren't so horrible?- not horrible at all

Do you like meeting new people?- yeah i do

Would you rather have long or short hair?- long please

Do you like tattoos and piercings?- they're okay

What would you do if the door bell rang and it was Lil' Wayne?- I'd tell him to brush his teeth, put some underwear on, and go for vocal lessons.

snowflake

I ran exceptionally fast today. This is not called self appraisal. But I really did run fast. Because I was angry. With you. And with the rest of them, who came into my life, together, and departed, together. Why did you have to do that? Talking would have been fine with me. Talking is always fine with me. But apparently, nowadays, people have lost their ability to speak their thoughts, to communicate, to say hello. I know I did that once, and maybe this is my punishment. Maybe I deserve it, you know? So everytime I walk past your house, or walk down the street, I push you out of my mind. I push and I push and I push. And I run and I run and I run. Because I tend to run away from people who have a place in my heart, remember? I get nowhere. That's not what Im afraid of. Im afraid of getting the things I want, instead of getting the things I truly need.

When I need it most.

I am trying so hard to feel the warmth that my comforter is supposed to provide me with.

I can continue waiting, but at the end of the day, no one is going to turn up at my doorstep.

I fold my arms around my waist and long for a hug.

I think about the father who is embarrassed to hug his own daughter.

I wonder why people wait till its one's birthday in order to make them feel special/important.

I conclude despondently.

And so, I finally sleep. Without the slightest hint of irony. I'll go.

OKAY SO, i know i haven't really been blogging for a while(who gives a shit right) but i couldn't put up new posts cause the blogger thing was screwed up for a while. so yeahhhh.

but anyway, I want to thank everyone for celebrating my birthday with me, making me cards, making photo montages, baking me a cake, getting a bra and a g-string, getting the talking bear, awesome palm reading kit, -divya can beat me up for an entire day without me having to hit her back- coupon, all the wonderful birthday wishes, the minute-long hugs that i truly needed, yada yada yada. I really really really appreciate it all. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I love you all xoxo :D

Happy birthday Hannah! and,

Happy belated birthday syahida!

man, I love birthdays. It should be our birthday every single day. All of us. Celebrating together. Hugging each other. Bringing happiness. And all that jazz.

I managed to complete my list of things to do before I turned 16- except for number 2(learn how to use the damn washing machine) and number 4(walk up 10 storeys instead of taking the damn lift). I have a new list now- "LIST OF THINGS I MUST DO BEFORE I TURN 17"

here's the first:

1) Learn how to cook scrambled eggs( like how those really cool chefs do it in those really cool hotels )