once

- bridget's art

And for these past few days

someone I don't recognize.

-Marketa Irglova

I know Im in love with Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova. Because I never get sick and tired of listening to them all day. For real. I could just keep playing all of their songs, and not get bored. Others get bored. But not me. I guess its because I can really relate to the songs, you know? One way or another, I can relate to them. Especially one song. Especially one.

(And then, there was one. when I really thought there were three.)

but that was before.

- bra's awesome unofficial 16th

( wait for more surprises babe:D )

morning pancakes

I've got my ponytail losely tied and its swinging from one side to the other as I pace myself,
hoping not to trip over some drain again.
The sky's slowly beginning to fall into a slumber and Im fighting for time.
I turn back, as soon as I see a light streak of pink in the distance.
That's my call.
I carelessly step into a puddle of muddy water, and splash a little bit of the mud onto my legs.
The mud gently stings the small scab on my shin.
But I don't bother.
I've got my shoulders slightly hunched and I can't keep my eyes off the ground
I stare at the dead leaves that play a crisp, coarse, melancholy tune as I run over them.
and I stare at the drains in front of me as I slowly and gradually pass them one by one,
hoping again,
not to trip over any of them.
I can't be like this.
So I straighten my back, tilt my head back up slightly,
and switch the song on my mp3 to, "if you want me" by Marketa Irglova and Glen Hansard.
I like the song. It sounds french.
Now, I move faster. Trying to make it back before the pink streak in the sky vanishes.
I pass the old man with the limp in his right leg.
I smile to him, and he too, like always, smiles back lazily.
I pass a group of women, gurka's wives, to be exact,
and they make way for me, as I run past.
I pass the terrace houses,
and don't duck, as I run though a cluster of trees with branches hanging low,
because I am already short enough.
I head straight for a row of blocks. and run, from the first block, to the second, then to the third,
and back again.
And as soon as I feel dizzy, and as soon as my heart stars to ache,
I make my way back to prison.

grams is so not eco-friendly

Study session with Lee, Azlan, and Ong.Ong insists that my blogposts are always so, "emo".hahaha, I wouldn't regard them as "emo".I just put a lot of thought into them. But I was hyper today! And Im always hyper in school, unless some asshole pisses me off or something. So yeah, and btw, thanks a mil elg.for sending me the stuff that I wanted. I'm so so so over the moon right now.I really appreciate it!(: Now, I feel as if my legs can't hold still. I have butterflies in my tummy and I don't know why. I feel so cooped up at home, I feel like going out. I think, I shall go out to run.

you won't disappoint me,
I can do that myself.

songwriting, invisibility, and oh so faint memories

A friend of mine recently reminded me what it was like to feel 8 all over again.

I'm not like her. I don't sound like her. You have no idea. We all have different opinions, various perceptions. We're one in a million, don't you see? Im a fallen deer, slowing down. Backing up. Turning around. Because Im unaware of what's to come. But I hate this, and I want to be just like the stronger ones. And as I cling on to this crumpled piece of paper, with ink smudged on it, I've finally figured it out. I've figured you out. I've figured out what the world's like. I've figured out how trees grow. I've figured out how flowers blossom. I've figured out how waterfalls form. I've figured out where The Nile River ends. I will never be like the rest. I could dream all I want. But I will never be like the rest. And the rest will never be like me. And you will never be like the rest. Neither will the rest be like you. We're one in a million, don't you see? Maybe, its time we danced.

happy songs make magic

You're done with chemotherapy
and I'm proud of you
You're the person I admire most right now
I will never be able to possess the same courage as you do.
You may be miles away,
but we're always near, and never far
Phonecalls are never enough, and hardly ever satisfying.
Someday, we'll drive up to your place, give you a tight hug,
and tell you that we love you, and no matter what,
we will always be there for you.

no yes no yes

Sleepy says:
what's wrong?
divya says:
its fine(:
divya says:
im fine, really
Sleepy says:
lies

someday, my friend, i'll tell you. pinky promise.

Call me home, hope.

- s.f

Today, I felt my pulse in my ears.

Soon, it shall stop.

Now, you may not care

But that is nothing but just a mere assumption

I am baffled

because you have left me hanging

The feeling has obviously, (maybe), completely, (almost)

faded.

This is where I have decided to (officially) give up
no one really pays any attention to the details.
I have cared all my life, it isn't a bad thing at all.
But it starts to turn into something bad, once it makes you feel like shit
Im not asking for any reward/recognition/appraisal.
I just want people to open their hearts and see.
I couldn't care less if people took it to the dumps. As long as they notice it, its fine.
everything will be fine one day.

where are you?

-s.f/ fisherman's wharf

I feel fuzzy.
My eyes are watery,my nose is stuffed and I start to feel my pulse at my fingertips all over again.

I hate it when Im like this. It makes me feel as if I can't do anything.
Like as if I've completely lost the ability to be myself - to go outside and run or dance around in my room or read a book without having to blow my nose with every two words I read.
I felt uber frustrated at school and might have upset some people(sorry ramdan)
but I really felt horrible.so I told myself to suck it up and I cheered up after that.





And, I just realised that,
I might have left my heart in San Francisco.

last

maybe, I knew it all along.
this little feeling that lingered in my heart from the start
and I ignored it at first, because the rest of the feelings in my heart took control over it
but now im starting to see
it.
feel it. and taste it.
and I hate it.the only thing I hate in the whole entire world
and it had to be this.
please don't make me feel this way.
I've felt this way for my entire life,
and I think its safe to say that Im tired of it.
Im tired of everything.

Its okay,I'm used to being forgotten

- ofs global picnic day

Is it just me or is it fucking hot these days? I've had 5 showers today.no kid. one at 7 am . one before tuition. one after tuition. one slightly after that. and one just before i came online.

I feel safest when there's water around me. You could bring me to a swimming complex and I'd never want to leave. I could visit the beach and long to stay in the sea for as long as, forever. Im not afraid of what's beneath me when Im in the water. In fact, I'd want to grab a pair of goggles and dive right down to see what there is among the all the corals, fish, and sand. I might as well become a mermaid. I have this stupid little dream - where when Im old enough, I'll sit on a big boat and watch whales, the size of buses, swim by.and hope that maybe someday, I'll be able to safe them from the possible brink of extinction.

This is where I come back to reality.

candy's cotton

- jumpshot.uh.jumpshot

(i think you can tell i like jumpshots-no matter how gay i look)

anyway, we had some cip thing today that blew over as soon as it was close to noon.we collected loads of newspapers and magazines and unwanted clothes. so while waiting for the truck to come, saritha varsha and i looked through some style wedding magazine(don't ask me why.im not a magazine person actually).we kept squealing at every wedding dress we saw.gosh, they were fucking beautiful.i wanna get married! I headed for tuition and then to the ofs global picnic thing.(its a shame chris, prabra and friends couldn't make it though): ) it was okay. their school is uber interesting, sad to say, more interesting than our local schools ever will be.yeah so, it was v interesting(nudge nudge).our school performed a couple of dances and the dancers were real good.doesn't matter if you guys got a silver,the dance was still awesomeeeeee(:

pfffffffffffft

-vanessa lee shu fen

Haha, okay so, vanessa and I had a study session again today. We studied,of course, and talked.(and talked somemore). To ness: im sorry for the fact that we started drifting apart after the sec 3 bintan camp.im sorry if i've left you out in any way.i know that things have been tough on you lately.but hang in there alright?don't let other people spit on you all the time.you're stronger than that, and i refuse to think otherwise.

6. If school's being a bitch, don't contribute/give in to the mess.

stupid little dreams

- sanfranc.

words fall through me

and always fool me.

great friends make great company

Had napfa test today and the girls had to go last.so while waiting,some of us took pictures blah blah.uber unglam haha but i don't care.because i had fun.
I got locked out of the house AGAIN.so dylan's gradmom offered me a can of miranda orange.real sweet person.so i opened the can and somehow, while i was drinking, i spilled orange juice onto my shorts.alright yes i know, loser-rated moment.but that was the least of my worries cause i spilled some of the orange juice on my bio file.fuck.so anyway, mr glenn tan came into class earlier on, and without saying a word,he wrote this on the board:

Reality

1) 192 days to English

2) 202 days to Literature

3) 06/11/09 -

Lit paper 1: 8.oo am

Lit paper 2: 10.25 am

Bio paper 2: 2.30 pm

shitttttttttttttttt.

If you see(feel)(hear)(sense)(taste)(love) it.

-californian winter

your voice, i know so well

your words i don't, recognize.

oh the irony.keep me.keep me from falling.

but you don't know- i like daffodils

and you don't know- i don't spit

in a cool curving world i lie.

dry note

there's no one to confide in
there's no one to hold
there's no one to hold (you)(me)
go back to all your stereotyped fools
fools you call friends.
you create a perfect idea of friendship
and make snide remarks about those who don't fit into that perfect idea.
but tell me something, have you ever wondered,
if you were any better?
have you ever wondered, whether you, like many lost souls out there, are not able to fit into that perfect idea?
have you ever thought about your actions?
that are so uncalled for?
your rude gestures, and your ability of shoving people away.
no not people, just me.maybe just me.
you are not the only one,
who has had bad experiences
take it from a person like me.a person like me.
its funny how i say that because,
i don't even know the person that i am
maybe im nobody.
but that's besides the point.
i may be nobody, but that does not give you a reason to push me further into the dumps.
to make me feel like im worthless. worth less
to try to make sense out of everything
Everything.
but fail to make me see how,
sensible you are.
you did not see me, there was only one who did
you barely appreciated the little things,
i did just to cheer you up
or try to cheer you up
or try to help you
or try to reach out to you. i tried.
i can laugh all i want,flash my metal mouth all i want,bang the tables all i want and talk all i want.
i can stay bubbly for as long as i like.
stand my grounds for as long as i like.
and wake up early in the mornings to run,for as long as i like.
but this bitter feeling won't go away,
because im starting to doubt the fact that there is going to be someone there for me.
someone for me.

the little things matter

studied with vanessa and jeph again today.its fun studying with them cause they make great company and they are smart as well.so i'll just keep hitting them with my dumb questions and they'll just keep answering.haha you should have the way ness and i were eating.she had bands on her braces so her teeth were hurting.and half of my wisdom tooth has emerged so it hurts like shit.we were like squinting at each other while chewing our food and stuff.hahaha k. house meetings suck like shit. i was reading my book the whole time. mr lawrence ng went on and on about mount everest and how its the tallest mountain blah blah.i mean c'mon, its not as if our house ever wins anything.pffft.oh and congrats to LKS for winning the house captain title.kudos.
mom's cooking wantan soup for dinner tonight. dinner should stay this way for as long as,uh,.until im sick of eating wantans

happyness

van came over and we actually STUDIED.its a remarkable achievement,you know.chem to be exact.and then ash came and we studied bio.

my family invited grams over for lunch. instead, she cooked us mee goreng, put it in tupperware, and handed it to us.fucking adorable.

sorry, ness, if the indian food was too spicy:/ i would have cooked dumplings, but we didn't have any.so yeah, and thanks ash, for everything hah

three of us went to paya lebar to get some stuff and we slept in the bus like pigs. i slept in the bus like a pig. i came home and slept like a pig.do you like pigs?pigs are stupid and horrible.

easter and eighteen

Happy happy belated birthday J
hope you liked the gift
and the "surprise" party haha
x

common commoners

I am the unnoticed, the unnoticeable man:
The man who sat on your right, in the morning train:
The man you looked through like a windowpane:
The man who was the colour of the carraige, the
colour of the mounting
Morning pipe smoke.

dopey

-gram's sunflower

dance rehersal was okayyy
school was okayyy
shopping with vanessa was funnn
but omg,
bio spa was traumatizing.
I pushed the lab stools to the back of the lab
stood at my table,
put my nerd goggles on,
and started pressing my thumb to my lips(something i do when im nervous).but at least, this spa was not half as bad as the first one - where i completely spaced out, turned pale and snapped at everyone who tried to converse with me.
Im officially bummed.

lying dousche bag

why do you always have to measure one's worth?

same difference

I remember now
almost clearly,
all about 7.
seven years back.
when scooter racings
made my day
and road trips up to pamberton
made
me miss home.
with pillars that stood as tall as trees
and bulls with killer eyes
rammed into fences
and sent me crying back to the
cottage.
back home.

Here's

To the people who won't give me answers

and to the soul, who refuses to find himself

and to the hope, that keeps clinging on to my back

and to the all the little thoughts, that just won't go away

and to all the assholes, who like to play games

and to the mistaken, who are too afraid to face harsh reality

and to the coarse melancholy tune, of uncontrollable sobs

and to plastics, who have too little to live for anymore

and to those sparks of light, which try to reach out but fail in every way possible

and to killers, who want nothing more than to just care for the ones they love

and to professionals, who have so much to offer,yet so little to speak of

and to the little things, which fail to please the world

and to the forgotten - I remember you.

let me know, will you?

conversation:

divya, you look fresh today.
oh, (nervous laughter) you have no idea

I'm starting to wonder if its just,

I thought about us sipping gingerale that night we stared out into the stars as you longed for your homeworld. I said you had so much more to live for. You might have not believed me. And so we stayed silent. Longing for answers. Longing for chances. Then we fell, into a dreamless slumber and went, peacefully into the night.

HAPPY 16TH VANESSA!

okay don't worry, the party wasn't a bore. I had a real good time. and whatever it is, cheer up alright? you're strong, i know that - and you know that too. so babe, smile for me will you! Happy birthday:) and oh yeah, i hope you liked the vanilla cupcakes. they are not the best in the world, but i hope you liked them. love you

I'll run away before you get the better of me.

-vegas

once in a while, life gives you a chance to measure your worth. sometimes, you are called upon to make a split-second decision to do the right thing, defining which way your life will go. these are the decisions that make you who you are.

"Hero" by Perry Moore

I'm helping my sister bake chocolate cupcakes today. She's a good baker, and me? well I'm just bored.