Shift

Okay, I've moved. but im not going to delete this blog. cause i don't know why. haha too many memories i guess so yeah. adios amigos:D
ps: im not going to leave the url of the new blog here cause im attempting to keep it low profile. haha don't ask me why, im just weird. i hope you don't think im mean or anything. if you want to see the new one, you can just ask me(: BYE BYE BAJITOS!

boob brain!

Okay number 1: blogger sucks.im thinking of shifting.
number 2: saritha- thank you so much for being there for me on monday haha i know i was being oh so foolish and i was feeling oh so stupid but you were there to comfort me, to make me feel better. i told you that i hated fate. i don't anymore. i love you babe(:

number 3: im sorry i have to rant. i don't fucking like it when people tell me that im "emo" or whatever. look, everyone is emotional alright. not just me. not just you. so don't come up to me and tell me that my blog posts are "emo". i don't fucking slit my wrists and think about suicide okay. i've never really liked black and i think that people should wear colour to my funeral because i hate to see mass gatherings of people in black. it makes me feel gloomy. and the only reason why my fucking blog posts seem so "emo" is just because i put a lot of thought into them. what, is that like, illegal, or something? my blog isn't for anybody's entertainment. yes, i do admit that my posts may seem awfully sad at times. but you can't blame me if my day turns out like that all the time. what the hell do you expect to do? fucking lie and say that today was a good day? i've also had my fair share of posts where i seemed hyper and happy. happiness doesn't come to me everyday so i just relish in it every time i do get it. so fucking backoff okay? sheesh. if it makes you feel any better, i occasionally think about my future wedding and my kid's names(haha?) so if you think that that's "emo", you should just like fucking go and die.

okay, im done. thanks for putting up with that.

number 4: im having like really bad chest aches and the peanut butter filled prata i had for dinner, isn't digesting well in my tummy. fuck i feel like barfing. but im like holding it in. i think im dying haha. helppppppppppp. my health is going downnnnnn. from tmr onwards, im going to go back to my usual ways- green apple mornings and strawberry jam sandwhich afternoons!

number 5: we just got our grad night themes. we're supposed to vote next week. the themes are, black and white, hip hop, and jaiho(bollywood). hahah im so voting for bollywood. black and white is so boring, although safest, its like, so common, i find. and why the hell would i pick hip hop. its our freakin grad night. you actually want to look NICE. best not to show up in baggy pants and hoop earrings.

number 6: i've already thought about what to post in this god forsaken blog tmr. and yes, its going to sound"emo". so im just warning you first haha, don't waste your time by visiting this page okay? for your own good only. i truly care for your needs that's why.

Decision dice: pub

Dear (insert name),

The feeling of regret has been inching further into this fragile little heart of mine. It has been a week, maybe 2, maybe 3- it took me more than 4 weeks to realise that you have every right to treat me like that. I have always blown you off, creating excuses and reasons not to meet with you, because I was too shy. You are right. I do not know why I look down greatly upon myself. My parents taught me to feel, but the world taught me to become more unfeeling and even tactless, at times. I should believe in myself you know? So I do not give the world a chance to trip me like a mean bully. But instead, I have succumbed to quite the opposite. I have always avoided you, lord knows why. I am sorry. Like I said, I did not deserve you. Maybe I still don't, but that's besides the point. Because you have moved on. And I have too. I just need to abandon this morbid feeling of regret, and move. This apology does not come with intent. I just wanted to lay it out on the table. I hope I see you some day, to tell you how sorry I am, face to face. But the very fact that we never ever bump into each other, is the biggest irony of all.

Yours sincerely,
me.

This is what boredom does to me.

SAY EXACTLY WHATS ON YOUR MIND & DON'T CHANGE IT.
1. You & your ex – I've never been in a relationship before. okay you can start laughing now
2. What are you listening to – boyfriend -alphabeat (hahahaha)
3. Maybe I should – eat more ice cream and lose more fats
5. I don't understand – why boys have testosterone
6. I have lost my respect for – butterflies
7. I last ate – ice cream (mmmmm)

IS YOUR/ARE YOU:
1. Is your hair wet? – no
2. Is your cell phone right by you? - its turned off, in the bedroom, under my pillow, far far farrrr away from me
3. Do you miss someone? – yeah
4. Are you wearing chap stick? – yeah
5. Are you tired? - no
6. Are you wearing pajamas? – no
7. Are you mad? – mad as in angry mad, or insane mad? because right now, im a little bit of both.

MORE QUESTIONS

Are you shy?- hell no.okay maybe sometimes.when i see a hot guy esp.pfft c'mon, who wouldn't get the jitters?

Could things possibly get any better?- i'd like to think so

Did you wake up in the middle of the night last night?- yeah because I dreamt that my friend was yanking my hair out

Has there been anyone particular on your mind at all today?- unfortunately, yes.

Do you ever crack your knuckles/ back/ ankles/ wrists/ etc?- no i don't like to crack

Could you date someone taller than you?-yes i can, cause at my age, THERE IS NOT ONE GUY OUT THERE who is shorter than me.total advantage(:

Do you need to say anything to someone?- I feel like this all the time

Honestly, does your crush like you back?- Honestly, no.

Do you think anyone has feelings for you?- nope

Do you wear glasses?- only in class

Lyrics from the song you're listening to?- AND MY PARENTS, THEY DON'T WANNA SEE ME. MY FRIENDS SAY IM UNCOOL BUT I LET LOVE RULE. OH NO DON'T YOU TOUCH MY BOYFRIEND, HE'S NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND, HE'S MINE (AHHH AH!)

Did you go outside for more than 30 minutes today?- yesss

Honestly, what's running through your mind?- Would I be smarter if I learnt how to play the piano?

Have you ever asked a girl for advice?- yeah

Ever kissed under water?- nope

When was the last time you were told you were cute?- 2 weeks back?just for the record, cute means ugly but adorable.so that was far from a compliment.

How late did you stay up last night?- 12 plus

Do you think boys truly understand girls?- girls don't necessarily understand boys all the time either.

What is one word you seem to always misspell that you know you shouldn't?- unnecessary and embarrassed. is that how its spelt?

What was the last movie you watched?- sunshine cleaning

Last song played more than three times?- the saltwater room by owl city

Last person to fall asleep with?- no one

Ever skipped class?- yeah

What color is your room?- sunflower and cheesecake yellow

Who did you have lunch with?- evelyn foo suk chuen

Have you ever kissed someone you weren't dating?- I'm a lipgin ):

Are you ticklish?- yes very omg don't tickle me please i'll hit you

Does your ex have a job?- I don't have an "ex"

How many piercings do you have?- 2

Have you held hands with anybody in the past week?- yeah

Do you want any tattoos?- nope

Will you cry at your wedding?- yeah most probably

Are you wearing any clothes that don’t belong to you?- no but I like to steal my sister's clothes

What are your plans for the weekend?- write 3 essays,complete at least 2 lit essays,revise phy/chem,biology chapter 6 and 19,try to fry scrambled eggs

Do you have a little sister?- nope

Do you like Taylor Swift?- she's okay

Last time you were heart broken?- yesterday

Do you sleep with the door open or closed?- closed

Have you ever dated a soccer player?- no?

Do you hope your children are like you one day?- neverrrrr.my children should never replicate a failure.

Do you take walks often?- do jogs count?

Needles aren't so horrible?- not horrible at all

Do you like meeting new people?- yeah i do

Would you rather have long or short hair?- long please

Do you like tattoos and piercings?- they're okay

What would you do if the door bell rang and it was Lil' Wayne?- I'd tell him to brush his teeth, put some underwear on, and go for vocal lessons.

snowflake

I ran exceptionally fast today. This is not called self appraisal. But I really did run fast. Because I was angry. With you. And with the rest of them, who came into my life, together, and departed, together. Why did you have to do that? Talking would have been fine with me. Talking is always fine with me. But apparently, nowadays, people have lost their ability to speak their thoughts, to communicate, to say hello. I know I did that once, and maybe this is my punishment. Maybe I deserve it, you know? So everytime I walk past your house, or walk down the street, I push you out of my mind. I push and I push and I push. And I run and I run and I run. Because I tend to run away from people who have a place in my heart, remember? I get nowhere. That's not what Im afraid of. Im afraid of getting the things I want, instead of getting the things I truly need.

When I need it most.

I am trying so hard to feel the warmth that my comforter is supposed to provide me with.

I can continue waiting, but at the end of the day, no one is going to turn up at my doorstep.

I fold my arms around my waist and long for a hug.

I think about the father who is embarrassed to hug his own daughter.

I wonder why people wait till its one's birthday in order to make them feel special/important.

I conclude despondently.

And so, I finally sleep. Without the slightest hint of irony. I'll go.

OKAY SO, i know i haven't really been blogging for a while(who gives a shit right) but i couldn't put up new posts cause the blogger thing was screwed up for a while. so yeahhhh.

but anyway, I want to thank everyone for celebrating my birthday with me, making me cards, making photo montages, baking me a cake, getting a bra and a g-string, getting the talking bear, awesome palm reading kit, -divya can beat me up for an entire day without me having to hit her back- coupon, all the wonderful birthday wishes, the minute-long hugs that i truly needed, yada yada yada. I really really really appreciate it all. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I love you all xoxo :D

Happy birthday Hannah! and,

Happy belated birthday syahida!

man, I love birthdays. It should be our birthday every single day. All of us. Celebrating together. Hugging each other. Bringing happiness. And all that jazz.

I managed to complete my list of things to do before I turned 16- except for number 2(learn how to use the damn washing machine) and number 4(walk up 10 storeys instead of taking the damn lift). I have a new list now- "LIST OF THINGS I MUST DO BEFORE I TURN 17"

here's the first:

1) Learn how to cook scrambled eggs( like how those really cool chefs do it in those really cool hotels )

I used to own a pack of m&m s

When I was young, I used to believe that there was a reason for my existence. It is rather pathetic how, as time passes, you fail to trust yourself anymore. When I was 8, I possessed much more sense. 8 years on, and I am no longer as sensible as I was before. Now, I am nothing but a nut. I am an angry nut- for you have infected me with resentment. I blame you. I blame you for making me think about my young self- when I was happy. Happy - what does that even mean? I have this tendency to run away from people who have a place in my heart. So forgive me if I have been selfish or cold in any way. Forgive me of my foolish actions. I have been selfish. But im making sure that things change. Im no Obama, but I still have a little bit of hope left. I wish for it to linger in my heart no longer, but it fights the system, just like I, and continues to linger. It is tiresome, trying to explain things that are somewhat unexplainable.

"happy birthday munchkin!"

- xoxo

THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH OMG THANK YOU FOR THE CAKE, FOR THE FLOWERS, FOR SMASHING CAKE INTO MY FACE(FUDGE FACIAL YUM), FOR POURING SOAP WITH WATER ALL OVER ME, FOR GETTING MY BRA WET, FOR GETTING MY GRANNIES PANNIES WET, FOR THE CARD, FOR THE EXTRA HUGE COOKIE AND FOR ALLOWING ME TO HUG YOU GUYS TIGHT EVEN THOUGH I WAS STILL SORT OF DRENCHED:D I APPRECIATE WHAT YOU GUYS DID AND I HAD A BLAST. I LOVE YOU!

CHRISTINE LEE JEONG WEON: YOU WEREN'T THERE): BUT ITS OKAY! WE WILL GO OUT SOON AGAIN SOMEDAY(: i love you pig!

Selfish

- divya

Dear Lemur with pig trotters,

You do not understand yourself. Behind every big beady brown eye, lies a story you do not narrate. God has given you what you wanted. They must have fallen from the sky, but not like snow- not like marshmallows, not like flocks of doves and not like balloons. They were like bombs, like something you despised most. So they turn out like skunks, when you thought that they clearly resembled swans. A type of swan you might have married someday. You and him? You and him are different because no two animals can ever possess the same brain capacity. You are always wrong in his eyes. But that's okay. Someday, you'll be right in somebody else's eyes. Maybe today had been a bad day. Maybe in the morning, your mother stuffed thorns in your mouth and made you choke on them. Maybe while you were in the car, you turned to adjust your seat belt and without any signal, a piercing dart landed itself right smack in the middle of your fragile little heart. Maybe when you reached school, your lack of competence led you to feel so... out of place, so... out of touch, so... wrong. It is in our nature, to be in the best of moods one day, and to feel as if our ship was sinking, the very next day. Sinking very fast. And once this gentleman had come along, you felt this sudden surge of happiness. But like all the other dart piercing, thorn choking, moments in your life, happiness lasted for only a minute. For you are nothing but a robot. You do not feel. You do not feel anything. Apparently. But if you did not possess the ability to feel, your eyes would not have glistened after he stuffed thorns into your mouth, and pierced darts into your heart. Thorns that made you shut up, and darts that murdered you. The man does not care if you are alright or not. He does not care. Maybe. Games, games. You hate games. You despise games. He jumps to conclusions and decides that maybe, you're not even worth it. Worth. You do not possess worth. So the only question that ponders in your head all day long is not something to do with, "how the hell did my mother stuff thorns into my mouth without me being able to fend her off?" or, "what the hell is this dart doing, sticking out of my chest like that?". But rather, " What is a friend, who readily walks out on you without possibly having any qualms about it, shattering you, and leaving you feeling oh so angry, till you feel like running away from the only best friend you've got?"

Yours truly,
.

Really good hunk cake.

HAPPY 30TH BIRTHDAY MR GLENN TAN!

WE REALLY HOPE YOU ENJOYED YOURSELF TODAY.

TO THE MOST AWESOME TEACHER EVER,

YOU'LL ALWAYS BE IN OUR HEARTS!

Sing, please?

When you let me know, what kind of life you have lived, I weep silently. For we are the reason why you were sent to the dumps. You do not have to pay income tax. You waste eight hours a day pondering over what could have been. Your love for teaching has not withered. But your faith has. You are not old, but you are not young either. You can't escape from this well. "I'll watch a movie with you", I say. And elation overwhelms you. But a month later, you lose hope, buy a ticket to a show, buy a small box of popcorn, buy a bottle of mineral water, and sit in the theatre while trying to enjoy your movie - alone. I have always kept my promise. But bitterness has led you to feel more impatient, more foolish, more hurt. You do not have many friends. You wish you had. We are the only friends you've got- do you not see that? But sadly, you do not see anything. You do not demolish your rights as an authority figure. You hold my hand and say, "education is most important". You do not have to tell me things I do not already know. What I want, is for you to hold my hand, like the rest, and say, " I am here for you, my dear. Whatever it is, I will try to understand- because you are my friend." You cannot bare the fact that we are drifting. Yet, you still add salt to my wounds. All this hypocrisy, I believe, would not have come about, if you had found a place where you could truly belong. You see, we are very much alike. But you no longer possess the ability to reach out. You try. I have noticed. You back down within two seconds. I will follow you, always. You will follow me, always. So when I blow you an imaginary kiss everynight, I'll whisper, "I am sorry". And when I kneel at my bedside everynight, to pray, I'll hope. I'll hope that you'll understand how much I love you.
No matter what, mom. No matter what.

Asshole.

The Pie Song

- i could seriously use a burger right now.

Someone was trying to be funny and chopped off a little bit of my hair while I was asleep. I think.

Like poking blunt pencils into your ribs

"The day people notice me, is the day they figure out that I'm not good enough for anyone."

May

I hope I have caused no amount of pain, in doing so.

I could be as meek as a mouse, cumbling to pieces,

apologizing for what I've done.

OR I could be something else, that stands up straight,

and tells you that you have to be thankful.

For I have saved you from something monsterous.

The "asshole" feeling

- thursday night

I LIKE IT WHEN PEOPLE GET ALL HYPED UP AND I LIKE IT WHEN THEY ARE ALL BUBBLY CAUSE THEIR POSTIVE ENERGY AND HAPPINESS JUST RADIATES THROUGH MY SKIN AND THEN I BEGIN TO FEEL HAPPY I DON'T KNOW WHY I LIKE IT WHEN PEOPLE ARE THIS INFECTIOUS.

Then, the world would be a much better place to live in. right?

My teeth feel smooth

- mango bajito meets chris

Mommy cooked pasta(yay!) and Christine came over for dinner(yay!)

anddddddddddd

IM OFFICIALLY BRACE FREE!

YAY!

Our chemistry teacher, the magic man.

KARMA OMG KARMA

Like remembering an old spice girl song

- christine's art

bajito
-A small Mexican man


mango bajito
-It means to have saggy titi's. Comes from Mexican slang spanish.



HAHAHA (thanks ah mus), but I SO DO NOT HAVE SAGGY BOOBIES IM JUST A SMALL PERSON. hahaha mango bajitos. christine drew the above picture of me. i think she's a really good artist cause she's a coolioamigosunny gal(:

Like carrying out a plan that doesn't backfire

- anjali

Meet my new, really adorable, big eyed, finger sucking, heart stealing, indian/punjabi british, daughter.

haha joke.

she's my cousin.

and my sis and I would loveeeeee to go over to london to give her a million hugs and kisses.

I find her so adorable omg its not even legal.
Finally, I'm not the bajito in the family.

Like chewing on a box of needles

- I ate the apple after that.

Its funny how an old man managed to stop me in my tracks, and stare at me after I fell face flat onto the concrete.

Like getting hit without being able to hit back

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_OBlgSz8sSM

Watch it I find it hillarious hahaha I feel like reaching into the screen just to squeeze them omg

Who would have thought, a child no more than four years of age, could speak properly and get his tenses right. brit people *sigh*....

Like running on a cracked,unsurfaced pavement without shoes

Thank god for lenka.

Like fruit without taste

- disneyland for 5 year olds

No one can ever stand up for their friends,without being shot down. I cried for you because despite of all this, you are still my friend. I doubt you will ever look at me the same way again. For different people possess various opinions, right? The boy will not back down, for he too, thinks differently. The world would be a much better place if everyone stopped pushing blame. No 'but's. No 'but's. The world permits him to have a mind of his own. But no amount of intelligence is displayed when he proves to lack the ability of stepping into one's shoes. Justice is not over-rated. I will defend your enemy, if he has done no wrong. I will defend your enemy's enemy, if he has done no wrong. I will always be your friend. I just wished you saw that in me too.

- disneyland for 5 year olds

" The good person loves people and uses things, while the bad person loves things and uses people. "

- Sydney J. Harris (1917-1986)

I don't understand

I wish I was 4 again.

I had my first crush, on the oreo boy.

He always gave me the creamy part of the cookie.

Its such a pity. We had plans.

Don't disappoint me- but you've already done enough to establish my disappointment in you.
I wish I did not have you.
I wish I did not have to work this hard.
I wish you listened to everything I said.

But it is about everything you do not say.
For I am psychic.
You like to make things difficult, and fail to notice life's simplicities.
You do not like me, and can hardly stand me.
But you are forced to love me.
At least, you have one other person in your life to be proud of.

.

ps: props to matthew for the fuzzy wuzzy test. my friend's adorable plead for me to tell her the answer, was fucking priceless (:

human

How do you gain satisfaction in inconviniencing others?
How do you manage to think so lowly of me when I inconvinience you unintentionally?

How do you long for acknowledgement ,
when you barely notice the little post-its I stick on your mirror every morning?

How do you expect us to grow close,
when all you do is look at me with such disdain everyday?

And how the hell do you even expect us to speak,
when all you do is criticize and pass judgement?

You can't say

We were once like jelly.

Sharing secret hideouts, and possessing secret handshakes.

We'd talk about society's flaws till dawn,

And awake to another one of those good mornings,

Where we then craved for pancakes with strawberries on the side.

But once we ran downstairs,

We did not cringe at the fact that there weren't any pancakes

(neither were there any strawberries),

For we had one another.

And I would not have traded all the pancakes and strawberries in the world,

For our friendship.

Then one day, you left.

With all your insecurities and failed attempts of trying to get hold of something

Better.

Thank you for making me feel like I was part of the team.

Thank you for noticing me.

Thank you for trying to teach me to control my emotions.

But do not do that,

anymore,

because,

I can't stand ironies.

I am happy because I just drank juice.

- gwendolynchiacailindivyajeyabalantriciagekkimchiajhansijeyabalan

tricia: "divya, you have sex hair!"
WE MISS YOU TRICIA.
The girls and I made a pact - to meet up for coffee at least once a week and study . I think it'd be fun, considering the fact that we're getting along much better now. Better than before. Its called, growing up.

I have officially been cut off from the world.
Even the spare phone does not want to co-operate with me.
It actually feels kinda nice
to get away from everything.
but Im afraid I may start to feel more distant from you.
I am so tired, I hardly understand anything I am saying.
but I can't sleep
and I can't run either
because my ankle hurts
I don't even know why.

ps: lahvin if you're reading this, sorry for making you feel so awkward last saturday night haha. my mom hasn't met you in AGES. thus her reaction.I know she talked to you about the scooter racing incident and she told me how wild you were when you were in pre-school. reka was more crazy than you were. hope you enjoyed your party!

I want juice!

computer isn't working.

phone isn't working.

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computer isn't working.

phone isn't working.

computer isn't working.

phone isn't working.

computer isn't working.

phone isn't working.

and I failed chemistry :(

when you "feel like it"

try to see if you can make sense out of this:

" I feel like dying, but I'm filled with hope "